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New Study Finds Yelling Harmful

  • October 2, 2013
  • by Melissa Lawrence
Hi everybody!  It’s late and I just got everyone to bed, but something caught my eye that I just had to share.  An article in the Washington Post is reporting that a study out of the University of Pittsburgh says that yelling at teens and tweens, especially when it involves cursing or insults, can be just as harmful as hitting.  Released in September, the study looked at 967 middle school students over a two-year period. Those whose parents used “harsh verbal discipline” such as yelling, cursing and using insults were more likely to have behavior problems or be depressed. The study found that this harsh verbal discipline was also not effective in encouraging the children to change their behavior, and that it was damaging to children in loving homes.How to control your temper
The Post article emphasizes that discipline means to teach and not to punish.We all know this in theory but in the moment, it can be difficult.  I personally feel like I expend a lot of energy lately just trying to be heard over the clamor and chaos of my little loved ones!  Frustrating!  Especially at the end of a L O N G day.  We published a vlog on CloudMom just last week on how not to yell.  This is something all parents face.
The Post quotes Meghan Leahy, a parenting coach: “If you yell at your child, you either create somebody who yells back at you or somebody who is shamed and retreats.  You’re either growing aggression or growing shame. Those are not characteristics that any parents want in their kids.”So for parents like me who don’t spank, what are ways to cope when your child isn’t listening to you and you are so frustrated?
Building on last week’s vlog, here are 5 from me personally, and I hope to hear more tips from others below in the comments.
1) Look at a baby picture of your child
2) Drink several glasses of water or have a snack — seriously!  Sometimes by 7pm I find that I am literally starving.  Eating an earlier dinner with my kids (I usually wait for Marc but recently I’ve been eating with the kids) is really helping me get through the bedtime hour without feeling drained of energy.
3) Go to your “happy place” by closing your eyes and singing your favorite song to yourself – don’t worry if you look weird or are off-tune, the point is to regain your cool.
4) Turn on the TV until everyone calms down – better than saying something which you will later regret.
5) If smoke is coming out of your ears, make sure the kids are safe, and exit the situation.
What do you others do when you’re really frustrated and trying to control your temper and not yell?  Please share below — this is the type of practical advice we all need to be the best parents we can be.Wishing you a peaceful evening!xo Melissa 

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