One of the emotions we modern moms have mastered is guilt. Guilt that we are not doing enough, that we are not loving enough, cooking enough, organizing well-enough, being enough. Our generation tends to take guilt to new levels.
One particular Mom wrote in recently, though, with her feelings of another sort of guilt: suffering from health issues, this mom was told NOT to add a baby #2 to her family, and she’s feeling guilty for her child, wishing that she could have given her child a sibling. In today’s blog, I answer her concerns.
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It strikes me that this mom very responsible in following her doctor’s advice, because most important for her child is that his mom remains healthy. Responding to this mother’s feelings that her child could have more — that he’s missing out on something — I also explain how I think having only one child can actually be advantageous in many ways. I hope you all don’t think this is insensitive on my part, since I have in fact been blessed with more than one child, but I wanted to share my perspective. Here are some of the benefits I mention in the vlog, and make sure to click on the video above for more and let me know what you think:
1) Weekend and party invitations. When you have one child, you’re changes of spending quality time with other families increases exponentially since you are a breeze to have around. You’re adding one playmate, not taking over the place and eating everyone out of house and home. As much as though I’ve loved and appreciated my brood, such invites for us have been scarce. Having a secure peer group and supportive community is a big part of the parenting experience (remember “it takes a village”).
2) Travel. Travel by two parents with one child is immeasurably easier than once you start adding more babes to the pack. Big plus for those of us who live to escape.
3) Parental Attention. Much as though we do try our best, I do think that my kids lack a certain level of attention. Help with school work, attendance at games and recitals, ability to schedule play dates and fun outings, all of this decreases with each additional child. The more kids you have, the less mobile you are, the more limited you are in what you can do.
4) Money. It goes without saying. You’ll have more cash on hand, and likely be less stressed financially, if you have one child than if you have more. With all the resources directed at the one child, you’ll be able to do more and worry less.
5) Self-confidence. Now, this is just a guess on my part, and it’s certainly not scientific, but several of the most secure, lovely, and self-confident people I know are only children, including my Dad and one of my best friends from college, who now has three girls of her own. Being showered by unconditional love (for which you don’t have to compete) from within a close-knit family can create a solid, happy, successful person who doesn’t have all the sibling rivalry issues that many others face.
Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts and I would so much appreciate hearing some of yours. I believe that every type of family, of every type of size, is a huge blessing.
Thanks so much for watching!