And The Lazy Mom Award Goes To …
- September 3, 2013
- by Melissa Lawrence
With the end of summer comes that inevitable look back in the rear view mirror at how our kids spent their time. In this week’s guest blog post, one mom of two young boys, Karen Bergreen, stand up comic and author of the hilarious novel Perfect is Overrated, describes how in a city full of goal-driven moms and kids — who’s summer vacations have been filled with enriching activities — her family took the road less taken. Read on for her funny end of summer journal, and for more on Karen, see below.
Can I Become a Perfect Mom in Two Weeks?
Okay I’m panicked. Summer is about to end and what do I have to say for myself? Nothing. My kids are watching a cartoon as I type this.
They should be animating the cartoon or at least learning a computer program that will help them do so.
School starts in exactly two weeks. TWO WEEKS. And my kids have spent the large part of the summer. . . having fun. And when I say, having fun. I don’t mean: my kids built a dwelling for a homeless family or my kids went to space camp. I mean, they just kind of enjoyed themselves.
But this is New York; my kids go to a power mom kind of school. The other kids have taken baseball intensives, chess intensives, music intensives and intense intensives.
My kids see nothing wrong with this.
“We are kids.” They say as they laugh and eat a donut.
When they get to school and have to report what they did all summer, I can’t have donut eating be anywhere on the list.
But I still have time. Two Weeks. Didn’t that guy write The Bridges of Madison County in six hours? What about Kiefer Sutherland’s character in 24? He has, all by himself, saved this country from bad people in a single day. Four times. Or is it five? Six? Think what he could do in two weeks.
I realize my kids are not Kiefer Sutherland’s character, but they do have time. I just have to be organized. Rosetta Stone is having a sale on Portuguese — or should I go with The Pimsleur Approach. It occurs to me that a Latin tutorial might be best because pronunciation is less important there. I have several on line coupons for ballroom dancing boot camp, a calligraphy retreat and hydroponic cliff diving. They are still taking applications for a White House internship, Outward Bound: Cairo and a quick trip to the moon.
I’ve got loads of time.
I’ll handle it tomorrow.
Karen Bergreen is a stand up comic and novelist (and one of the funniest people I know!). She lives in New York City with her husband and two sons. Her most recent book is Perfect Is Overrated (St. Martin’s Press 2012). Follow her on twitter at @karenbergreen or on her website.
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